You, my good friend, have just hit the nail on the head. Yes, you should focus on the unconditional, non-toxic love that you can give yourself but also on forgiving the past hurts and experiences inflicted upon you by your parents.
Although we may not understand the people we love we can always accept them and love them the way they are, without having a need to change them. It seems that the problem stems from the fact that your family doesn’t try to understand you, let alone accept the fact that you and they are different. And that there isn’t anything wrong with different, that different is actually good.