We like to believe that healing is a linear path, a path where every step we take is one of forgiveness. Forgiveness without the shame, hatred, and anger that we feel over the experience. But, the anger, the hatred, the shame and the sadness we feel is our path to healing, our path to forgiveness.
Healing is a process, one that may not happen overnight. And it’s hard. It’s hard to stare your pain in the face and relive your traumatic experience. It’s hard to think that the people you trusted, cherished and loved betrayed you.
People cheat because they cannot be honest with others, let alone themselves. And if you cannot truly be honest with yourself there is definitely no way that you can truly love yourself. And if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone else. And people who cheat just do not have enough self-love to own their truths.
And I just want you to recognize that you and girls that have strained relationships with their mothers are two sides of the same coin. You are mourning the mother you never got to experience, and they are mourning the kind, loving and gentle mother they deserved.
I’m trying to work through everything while living in the same house as my molester. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t know where to go from here. I feel that I want to forgive; forgive all parties involved. My parents, my grandmother and my molester, but my body is screaming no!