We like to believe that healing is a linear path, a path where every step we take is one of forgiveness. Forgiveness without the shame, hatred, and anger that we feel over the experience. But, the anger, the hatred, the shame and the sadness we feel is our path to healing, our path to forgiveness.
Do you think that if someone truly loves you, they would cheat on you? Going further, if your partner truly trusted you or believed you both had an unconditional love, a very accepting love, do you think he would have kept his bisexuality a secret?
You, my good friend, have just hit the nail on the head. Yes, you should focus on the unconditional, non-toxic love that you can give yourself but also on forgiving the past hurts and experiences inflicted upon you by your parents.
Healing is a process, one that may not happen overnight. And it’s hard. It’s hard to stare your pain in the face and relive your traumatic experience. It’s hard to think that the people you trusted, cherished and loved betrayed you.
And I just want you to recognize that you and girls that have strained relationships with their mothers are two sides of the same coin. You are mourning the mother you never got to experience, and they are mourning the kind, loving and gentle mother they deserved.
If you were to go into a relationship with him with your eyes wide open, knowing that he would not and could not give you what you needed from a relationship then you would be okay. But would you really be okay if you were settling for an okay relationship, a relationship where you could not be yourself, express yourself and your feelings without being made to feel guilty for feeling the way that you do?
I’m trying to work through everything while living in the same house as my molester. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t know where to go from here. I feel that I want to forgive; forgive all parties involved. My parents, my grandmother and my molester, but my body is screaming no!