You, my good friend, have just hit the nail on the head. Yes, you should focus on the unconditional, non-toxic love that you can give yourself but also on forgiving the past hurts and experiences inflicted upon you by your parents.
I don’t think we actually do. If you hate the one you are with, should you be with that person?
Going after your goals and working towards the life of your dreams is never selfish. And if anyone would call that selfish would they be the best, most supportive person for you and your goals?