I’m suicidal, depressed and have been for a while. But I’m not writing this question regarding me, it’s about God. Why does God allow for people to suffer, to hurt, to feel immobilized and traumatized? Does God hate us?
No, God doesn’t hate anyone. God is love and love is God. But I do know where you are coming from. I used to think that God was a manipulative, controlling and mean deity that wanted us all to suffer.
And I thought that way because I had a lot of traumatic experiences, experiences that I could not protect myself from. The sexual abuse as a child and the physical, mental, emotional and verbal abuse I experienced from the hands of my parents were all very traumatic and immobilizing.
But, do you want to know what is funny? Every traumatic experience in my life brought me closer to God, as well as taught me and showed me how beautiful, strong, creative and resourceful I am. But they also showed me how much I truly loved myself, and how much I truly cherished the amazing being that I always was and still am.
Now, for me, when God comes to mind, I think of duality, good vs. evil, light vs. dark. But is that truly how life is or is that just how we were taught to see the world? If we take away the duality mindset and see every experience as an opportunity to experience unconditional love with spirit, as well as establish an unconditional love with ourselves, we begin to view God and our relationship with God very differently.
All of our experiences teach us about ourselves. The experiences that hurt and traumatized us served a bigger purpose. It taught us about ourselves, they made us more compassionate, more giving, more patient and more loving towards ourselves as well as others. And what has helped me along my journey was removing the ideology that God controlled everything.
What I mean by that is, I co-create with the Creator. I focus on being positive, on visualizations, on forging a very personal, open and unconditional love with the Divine. And I choose to see love, Divine love, in myself, in my experiences and even in the people who tried to abuse, manipulate and control me. I choose to see the pain in others and to offer Divine compassion to them as well as to myself.
And pain, trauma, and difficult situations grow us. Remember,
character isn’t built in ease and quiet.
It just isn’t. I would not be the person I am today, running an advice blog and helping others if I hadn’t experienced all the dark times in my life. And I wouldn’t be able to help you if I hadn’t been depressed and suicidal on more than one occasion.
Life is all about seeing the beauty when it seems like there isn’t any. It’s about seeing God’s love even in the darkness. Remember, our pain grows us, and we are always given situations and experiences that we can overcome, but it’s always about recognizing when to seek help.
You have an infinite amount of intuitive inner knowledge that resides within. The Creator and your Spirit Guides are all walking with you, leading you in the right direction. Tap into your intuition and connect with the spiritual realm for answers and healing.
And remember, you are God. I am God. God is all of us and is within all of us. Do you really believe that God sent you here without a book of Divine knowledge that couldn’t help you overcome anything and everything? The answers lie within you! Go to the Creator. Speak with him/her, share your pain, your struggles, your desires, your anger, and your resentments. Heal!
Reach out to licensed professionals, your loved ones, your parents and let them know how you are struggling but that you want to do better, get better and that you believe you can do better. Trust in yourself, believe in yourself! Go within, recognize the beautiful, amazing spiritual being that you are and face your emotions head-on. The only way to heal is to acknowledge the pain, the fear and begin working through it.
And you don’t have to do it alone. As I’ve said, reach out for help. I’ve reached out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on more than one occasion. There are people who want to help you and will help you. So, here is their number:
And they also have a chat option on their website. Here is the link: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
And, you must know that I am a big supporter of university health centers and their individual and group counseling offerings. So, if you attend university, reach out to your health center and see if you can meet with a licensed professional who can help you make sense of all you are feeling.
All it takes to heal and forgive is taking the first step. I know when I was depressed it was really hard to get out of bed, so maybe your first step could be getting out of bed and showering? It sounds easy, but when you are so depressed and down on yourself, it’s a huge feat. So, if you can, try.
And just know that I am walking with you the entire way as you grow, learn, evolve, and learn to love yourself and your experiences. And please, seek help. Please don’t harm yourself! You have people who love you! I love you and I don’t even know you, but I do see the amazing being that you are and the amazing being that you always were!
Reach out to a licensed professional for help and just remember that I am always here. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and if you don’t mind, I’ll send some positive energy your way. I’m rooting for you. Don’t give up!