Anonymous: I’m a virgin and I am very scared to lose my virginity. I feel under so much pressure and it’s because I am so worried about whether or not I will be good at sex and if I’ll do something wrong. But also, I worry that no one will ever find me sexually attractive and that no one would ever want to have sex with me. Is what I’m feeling natural?
Yes, what you are feeling and fearing is quite common for someone who contemplates having sex for the first time. Everyone is nervous their first time, I mean who wouldn’t be. You are sharing a part of yourself, a big part of yourself, with someone else. It’s being intimate, and letting someone in and showing yourself to them and it is very scary but also very exhilarating and freeing.
And trust me, there is no pressure to be good enough or to do things correctly your first time. As long as everything goes in its right hole, I don’t think you will have anything to worry about. And I guarantee that you probably won’t know what you’re doing, and that’s okay. This is a new experience, revel in that.
Revel in the fact that you’re embarking upon an adventure, stepping outside of your comfort zone and creating experiences and memories. And what person knows how to do something perfectly the first time, without any experience in the subject matter? No one, that’s who, so don’t worry yourself over doing everything right or being good enough.
And there will be mental and emotional pressure just because this is your first time having sex and you, like everyone else, want for their first time to be a great experience. For it to be special. I’m pretty sure you’ve imagined your first time in your head and how it would be and feel, so of course, there are expectations. But if you are with the right person and you’re comfortable with them, and you’re comfortable with yourself the amount of pressure decreases significantly.
And you have to stop thinking that you are not physically attractive to others. It doesn’t matter what others think of you or how others view you. It’s always most important how you view yourself. So, stop with the negative self-talk, start loving yourself and begin to own your sexuality.
And that does not mean going out straight away and having sex with the first person you meet or everyone for that matter. It means exploring what you like sexually and owning the fact that you are a very sexual being. There is nothing wrong with owning your sexuality and finding yourself attractive, it’s natural. So, focus on loving and liking yourself and owning your sexuality.
And the perfect time to share your virginity with the right person will come along. Do not focus so much on being a virgin and whether or not others find you attractive. Focus on living your life, loving yourself and learning to own your sexuality and your place in this world. And everything else will follow.
So love yourself, love your body, own who you are and get out of your head and everything will be better than okay. I wish you the best on your journey and good luck with life and choose to see every experience as an opportunity and an adventure. An opportunity to love yourself more than you did the day before and the adventure of conquering and overcoming all of your fears. Good luck on your path!