How do you forgive the people that have wronged you?
That is such a great question. Healing is a process, one that may not happen overnight. And it’s hard. It’s hard to stare your pain in the face and relive your traumatic experience. It’s hard to think that the people you trusted, cherished and loved betrayed you. But forgiveness and healing are never about the other person or people. It is always about you releasing the past so that it does not hinder your present or your future. But also, can you really achieve true happiness and joy if there is hatred, anger, resentment, and sadness in your heart?
And the process of healing can begin whenever you invite your rage, your anger, your resentment, and your sadness to sit down with you. Whenever something traumatic or gut-wrenching happens to us, we like to push it out our minds and never think about it again, but it continuously shows up and terrorizes us and that is for a reason. Our subconscious knows that in order to heal we have to feel that rage, that anger, and that resentment. Without feeling and acknowledging how the incident made us feel, we will be doomed to always relive it over and over again. So, sit with your feelings, instead of pushing them away, and acknowledge that your feelings were hurt and that your trust was broken.
Now, once you do that you can move on to something a little harder. My suggestion would be for you to make a list of everything you hate about that person or those people and the experience. Now, once you are done with that, this is the hard part I mentioned, follow up that list with a list of things you like or always loved about that person or those people. I know it may be hard, but it truly does help you release your anger and it instills a sense of peace within.
Or another exercise you could do, which I have done in the past, is once you write your list of things you hate about the person and the situation, you could look within their actions and see the scared, lonely little inner child within them that was at the forefront while they made those choices and decisions. I know that from personal experience doing this exercise helps to lessen one’s anger. And once you do this, you could also sit with your own inner child and acknowledge how they felt or still feel over what transpired. You could sit with your inner child, hold them, let them know that what transpired was not their fault and talk them through their feelings and the experience.
And throughout this whole process of healing, it’s okay to experience feelings of self-loathing, it’s natural. Self-loathing may appear when you think back on how you handled the situation at that particular moment in time. You might worry over how you reacted, didn’t react or should have reacted towards the person or people and the incident and that is okay. You just have to acknowledge that you did what you thought was best to protect yourself at that moment in time and that is more than okay. And just take one step at a time on your journey to healing. Every day take one step to forgive those that have wronged you. It can be any step, but just taking one is crucial to your recovery and healing.
And remember, healing is a process. It may take 2 hours, 2 months, or 2 years to heal but just know it’s not a race and that everyone deals with trauma differently. So, continue focusing on doing the inner work to heal and forgive. And acknowledge that the pain, the hurt, and the resentment will not go away overnight. But also recognize that although you may work through a certain layer of your pain, anguish, and betrayal, that the specific layer may pop up again and that you have to heal once more. And that is completely natural, and it happens to all of us. So just continue your work of healing. So, I hope this has been helpful for you, and I wish you so much luck and I am sending you so much love as you embark upon this courageous journey of healing. Wishing you all the best!