Anonymous: How do you heal from your past? For a long time, I was a very devoted follower of Christianity, even though I always feared some of the teachings and the verses found in the Bible. I tried so very hard to be a devout Christian, but I became obsessed with being perfect and good so much that it began too hurt me, so I abandoned God. It has been almost four years since I have left God and I feel so stuck and confused. I have not felt like myself or been happy for a very long time. In fact, I feel guilty and a part of me wants to turn towards God, but I know I cannot.
That is such a great question, especially pertaining to religion, and I will not lie, it made me smile when I read it. Not too long ago, I was focused on being a good Christian and trying to live according to the Bible. So, I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from. From my own experience and my own journey, I have left religion behind completely and I have turned inwards, towards my spirituality.
And to be honest, I have always felt that religion was used to control others and to make others feel inadequate for not being enough or for not being able to align their actions and their views to how others outside of themselves desired for them to be. I have always liked to think of God, or the Creator, which is the term I like to use, as a very unconditionally loving being.
A being who accepts us as we are and who knows and believes that we are worthy, no matter what. So, when it comes to religion, which has mandates on how to be accepted in the eyes of the Creator, I have always felt that those teachings were not the truth. I know, I know, I always speak on the fact that there are many truths and that there is not just one truth, but those teachings never aligned with the love I felt in my heart and my spirit from the Creator.
But also, the guilt that one feels for not measuring up to religious teachings is the opposite of love. The energy of guilt is so inconsistent with the energy of Divine love so how can religion, which makes a lot of people feel guilty, be a concept or a part of the Creator, the Divine, the Source, the All That Is, who is so loving, open and accepting?
But also, the shame and the judgement that practitioners of religions like to place upon others, as well as themselves, isn’t love. And the Creator is love, the Source is love personified, so I like to think that having a close, personal, loving relationship with the Creator is more important than practicing a religion.
But I also like to think that we have gotten away from the Creator. People like to focus on perfection, whether or not they are good or being good, but also on measuring up. I have always thought that the true purpose of life was to love ourselves, love others, to heal and to help others as well as ourselves.
And I believe those are the true teachings of the Divine, and you can experience all of that without religion. Just being able to open our hearts and ourselves up to others is Divine love. But also, just choosing and taking the action to serve others and to be a host to the Creator, instead of our ego, is Divine love. That is what I believe the Creator wants for us all.
And you turned your back on religion, not on your relationship with the Creator. You do not need religion to be close with the Source, the Source is you, the Creator resides in you. When you were born, the Creator left a little piece of him/herself inside of you and you are made in the Creator’s likeness. So no, you did not leave the Creator, you just left the Church and the teachings of the Church.
You became so obsessed with being the perfect Christian that you began to act in inauthentic ways, using behaviors and actions that did not feed your soul, and it hurt you. But also, there was a layer of not truly loving and accepting yourself as you are, which hurt you, and propelled you to try to turn away from the Creator.
You thought you had to be someone else in order to receive the Creator’s love and that is just not true. The Creator loves you exactly as you are. But instead of believing that and knowing it for a fact, you shut down and tried to push the Creator from your life. But the Creator is life. You were trying to cut your nose to spite your face and it didn’t work. So, here you are, feeling alone, confused and dejected.
And I guarantee you, if you were to reach out and connect with the Creator you would feel the love and acceptance that the Father/Mother God has for you. And you will know that the Creator has always been walking with you and protecting you, you just weren’t open to seeing it or feeling it. And do not think of these past few years as a mistake.
They were lessons that you needed to learn for yourself and I honestly believe that this experience will bring you closer to the Creator, which is what all life lessons are about, finding the Creator and Divine love in all that we do and are. So, stop beating yourself up, take time out to sit in stillness with the Creator and feel the Divine love that has always been there for you and good luck on your spiritual quest. Wishing you peace, love and happiness.