Anonymous: Is being antisocial wrong? I am very unattractive, and I lack confidence and I am not sure if it is okay for me to be or feel this way.
No, I do not believe being antisocial is wrong, but I do think it is wrong for the reasons you have named. There is nothing wrong with needing time to just focus on yourself and to just go within. It is knowing when to erect those antisocial boundaries to feed your spirit and to focus on creating balance in your life that are the keys to self-love. But, being antisocial all the time and for the reasons you have named, not feeling good enough, or that you do not measure up and for being self-conscious, does illuminate the bigger problem.
But I do not think it is so serious of a problem as to you not being able to move past this problem, overcome it and conquer your fears. And I mention fears because I believe you are antisocial because you think that no one would want to be around you or interact with you but also that you aren’t a lovable person or worthy of love, and that you are not worthy of the time, energy and effort of others. Do you think that there could be a modicum of truth in any of this?
Well, I want to fill you in on a little secret. Come closer, closer, much closer. Here goes. We are all insecure about one thing or another. We are. Some mornings we all wake up and feel lesser than, but all because we feel that way doesn’t make it fact. It is fiction! You are created in God’s likeness. You are perfect just as you are! You are love personified, so why are you looking for it outside of yourself so much? It is great to enjoy the company of others, but you should not look for others to fill up your love tank. Everything you need to fill up your tank resides within you, trust in that, always.
And your journey right now is putting you in the eye of the storm, and that storm is you getting to a place of loving yourself, accepting yourself and exploring who you are. And I know it may be scary to take on this journey, but it is exhilarating, eye-opening, and life fulfilling. And you will conquer your fears, I believe in you, and the first step starts with you. Choosing to say no to that little voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough is the first step.
Choosing to acknowledge all the ways that you are less than loving towards yourself is another first step. Choosing to look yourself in the mirror and name everything you like and love about yourself is another first step. Writing a gratitude journal that focuses on all the great physical characteristics and personality traits that you love about yourself is another first step. You can choose which first step to take, but it is imperative that you take one.
And just try to accept that you are on a path to self-acceptance and that your journey to loving yourself and being more social is a journey and that with any journey there are, and will be, bumps in the road. But just learning how to navigate those bumps and facing them head-on will feed your soul and will build up your endurance and your love of yourself. So, recap, being antisocial for the wrong reasons is bad, but being antisocial by taking time out from others and being loving towards yourself and focusing on yourself is great! Life is always about balance, remember that.
Now, I feel that you are equipped for the first part of your journey, and I know that you already have everything you will need, inside of yourself, for the rest of your journey. Good luck and just know that all of us here at DearSpence are rooting for you. Believe in yourself the way we believe in you. Wishing you peace, love, and happiness.