The love of my life and I have found our way back to each other. He showed up at my house, he begged me to go to dinner with him, and we talked for hours. He cried, he held me, and he promised to do whatever it took to earn my trust and my heart back. My love for him never left my heart, and I have always believed in second chances. After all, I have always felt he was my person and here he is begging for me when this whole time all I have done was call out for him.
I told him I needed to see he was real, I needed him to prove to me that his love for me is shared by my love for him, that he is ready to commit and work towards our future that we always talked about. He explained his reasoning for leaving; he said for weeks his dad had been getting in his head that he was too young to be committed to me and he should just be young and carefree, he said my parents made him feel less than worthy for me, and he had been rejected by his dream career of being a Marine and serving our country due to failing his hearing test.
He said everything overwhelmed him and he felt he was not good enough for me any longer. He felt he failed me. But has since realized that although his world was overwhelming him, I was his rock and his true love and would give anything for me. The months we spent apart, he has since taken training and tests to become a firefighter, anything to serve his community and work towards a career of great priority to take care his family. However, he has also not given up on the Marines. He has met with additional recruiters, he has made contacts with Generals from the Citadel, and he has included me in on his meetings, so I am present in the discussion of his future, as he wants me to be his future as well.
My heart has been blown away by all he has done, all of his strength and maturity and determination. We are officially back together, and my heart has never been so full. I told my parents, and my dad said he trusted me and my decisions and all he asks for is to be careful because he hated seeing me hurt. My mother’s reaction has been one of drama and tears. She said I was being stupid to take back someone who hurt me, that I am only setting myself up to be hurt again. She has been crying and telling me how disappointed she is in me. She has been in another state with family for a couple weeks now, and since I have told her of our reconciliation, she is now threatening to not come home.
You see, one of the problems during our relationship the first 9 months before he left was that I was 20 years old and still had a 9pm curfew, and my mother constantly tracked and read my texts/calls and gps location, she read my diary and went through my personal things whenever she pleased. All of this drew a wedge between me and him because it made him feel worthless and judged and like he was not good enough, and it constantly upset him to see me crying over a fight with my mom.
He hated how much she hurt me, especially because there was not much for him to do about it. With my mother gone, my father has let me be without a curfew, given me privacy back, and trusted me and treated me just as he has always treated his little girl. I am so happy here just being with my dad and my love, and I am terrified for her to come home. I am terrified of her trying to get between us again, I am terrified of the breach of privacy, I am terrified of her guilt trips and name calling.
What do I do…?
I am so happy that you are happy, truly. It warms my heart to know that you are loved, and I am so proud of you for going after what you desired and for conquering your fears. And thank you for reaching back out; I know this may be weird, but I truly enjoy seeing an email with your name because it always cheers me up whenever I am feeling down. And I like to believe that there are little Earth angels walking this journey with us, and I believe you happen to be one of mine.
Every time I wonder and contemplate if I am actually making a difference in the lives of others, I receive an email from you, which always makes me believe that I am accomplishing my goal of serving others. So, thank you, thank you for being you and for you sharing your journey with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Now, in my opinion, I believe you and your boyfriend can get through anything, I truly do. Each of you still has a personal journey of self-discovery, but I do think you could take those journeys together because although your relationship has been through the wringer, you have a foundation based on unconditional love, honesty, and open communication. And I say unconditional love because this young man would have walked away from you and his happiness with you if he thought that would have made you the happiest. All he wants is to see you happy, and that is amazing.
But, as I have said, you two still have journeys to undertake. He has to raise his confidence and love himself no matter what anyone says or thinks about him. And you, you have to stop basing your happiness off of others. Who cares if your mom comes back and tries to ruin your relationship, rain or shine, you can be happy. And it just so happens that your mom is a monsoon, but you can still have peace within and be grounded in a state of happiness. But I am proud of you both for conquering the fears you have already conquered, and I am truly happy that this relationship has been renewed.
Now, on to you and your current predicament. I am not going to tell you what to do or how to act because you have lived an obedient life where you have always obeyed the commands of others. That stops! All the answers you will ever need come from within, not outside yourself, remember that. And deep down, I believe you know what next steps to take, but you do not wish to make those choices.
Trust in your instincts and go after what is yours and what you want out of life. And if it feels as if your instincts seem to fail you, go within, meditate if you can. It is more than okay to garner help on your decision from the Universe. For now, you could focus on the positive, instead of seeing the negative and release the decision to the Universe and trust that you will receive an answer at the Divine right moment, not a moment before and not a moment after.
And in the meantime, stop giving your mother power over you, your life and your happiness. It is time to put on your big girl panties and live, without remorse for anyone else. And I know that it may be hard for you to, but you have to try, you have to at least do that for yourself, your boyfriend and the relationship. And I know I have said it before, but I am so happy for you and I am proud of you for having already started to change your life and rewrite your story, and I have the utmost faith in your decision-making skills.
Oh, and 2 more things before I go. My job is to help you see the love and light within yourself, to help you to acknowledge that you hold all of the answers within and all of the power is within you, never to make decisions for you! And with that said, I am going to do what I do best, broach questions which will trigger you to get you to go within and work through the roadblocks you are experiencing. So, with that in mind, here goes. What do you want?