Anonymous: So, I was recently dating a guy for two months and I lost my virginity to him, but we recently ended things. During our relationship, I found out that he was seeing another woman and I told him to make a choice between her and I. Do you think I should have waited longer before sleeping with this guy?
Okay, the first thing that stood out to me was the timeline of you guys’ relationship. You said you all were dating for 2 months and that you lost your virginity to him, does it seem that, based on the timeline of the relationship, that you all had a great foundation for an everlasting love? Does it seem as if you really knew him and knew who he was based off of the timeline of what transpired?
And I certainly do think you should have waited longer than the time frame that you did before having sex with this guy. You obviously didn’t know this man or his character very well, but you jumped into bed with him!
And also, I guarantee you, the signs were there that he was not good for you, was not relationship material or up front and honest. But because you wanted the intimacy you chose to turn a blind eye. I guarantee you your intuition told you what kind of guy this man really was, but you chose to ignore it, now you are in this predicament.
I’m not trying to be harsh, but this entire experience could have been avoided, but we will just look at this as a learning experience. Instead of looking for someone to love you, you should have been loving yourself. Because if you truly realized and knew your worth, this fox would have not been able to get into the hen house.
You were so consumed by your need for validation and love that you chose to put the needs of someone else, i.e. sex, above your own needs. And I’m not saying you were forced into having sex with him, but you probably thought that if you did have sex with him that he would love you and stay with you.
And I’m sorry that things haven’t turned out the way that you wanted it too. Just try and be happy for the fact that you saw his true colors sooner rather than much later. But also, there you go again putting his needs above yours. This guy was showing you how he felt about you when he was seeing you and this other girl at the same time.
And instead of respecting yourself and leaving him once you found out, you told him to make a choice. Where was your choice in all this? Why did you choose him over the love of yourself? And he obviously chose himself throughout the entire relationship, if you could call what you two shared a relationship.
And honestly, you played yourself and allowed yourself to be played! Why didn’t you and why don’t you think you deserve to be with a guy that respects you and your boundaries? Clearly, you haven’t figured out who you are, what you want and where your boundaries begin and end because if you had you would have kicked this guy to the curb as soon as you found out about the other girl.
My advice, focus on loving yourself way more than you do now. So next time the fox can’t get in and you will be able to recognize the fox for who and what he is before he has time to slaughter the hens.