Anonymous: The idea of marriage and kids worries me. I’m asexual and in my culture, marriage and having children is very important and required for women.
I’m considering having kids via surrogate, but I know that I would be judged by my family members if I were to choose that path. And on top of all that, I believe that if I were to have children that I would not have that special bond with them.
It sounds as if you know who you are and what you want out of life and it doesn’t sound like its marriage or children.
Living for others and creating your life around the notion that doing what others think is best for you, rather than what you know to be true and best for yourself, is a recipe for disaster. You would resent your family, your spouse, your child and all of you would be utterly unhappy.
Why don’t you live for you? It honestly seems that if you were to take the road that is traveled frequently in society you would put your love of your family and your culture above the love of yourself. What do you want? What kind of life would make you the happiest? How do you envision your life 5 years from now? 10 years from now?
You have to forge your own path in life and it is okay to take the road less traveled. As long as you are happy, and you are living YOUR best life, who cares what others think or say. Just don’t have children because you feel pressured into it and again that would be a recipe for disaster for mother and child.
I know pressure from our families and our cultures can make us do some crazy things but don’t do something you will regret, please! When we take the path that is frequently traveled, usually because we feel pushed towards it because of society, we become that part of society that is fearful and instead of honoring our true selves, we go along to get along.
Which means that we become part of the ‘society’ that pushes others to give up what and who they are to fit the ideologies placed upon them, and ourselves, by society. Don’t become ‘society’! Forge your own path and be a way shower for others. Show others and society that it’s okay to be who you truly are and to want what you truly want.
There’s nothing wrong with choosing a path that strays from the norm. Don’t follow in other’s footsteps, create your own trail, your own way. Choose the path that will allow you to live a life that is authentically yours.