I don’t think anyone will ever want me…

Advice
I don’t have a perfect body, I rarely wear makeup and I feel that I will never impress any man. I’m always trying to better myself, physically, but it seems as if I’m never enough for guys. It hurts so much to know that I tried to be perfect and change myself for him, but it never works out for me. I’ve been in horrible relationships where guys have left me for other girls and I don’t think anyone will ever want me.

First, it sounds as if you are putting your worth in how others see you. And second, would you really want a guy who doesn’t like you for you or accept you for you? Would you want a guy that only likes you if you were to change who you are and how you looked to fit society’s mold? Yeah, I didn’t think so. It’s okay to stick out from the way society wants you to be. Accepting a guy that only likes you because of your appearance would kill your soul and tear you up inside. Deep down, you would know that his love was conditional, and is a conditional love really what you want?

You said you are trying to be perfect for him, why? Perfection is a social construct. If you were to change to fit his idea or society’s idea of perfection you would always be striving and continually changing your looks, actions and personality to fit the ‘ideal woman’ forced upon you by this guy and society. Why do you place this guy’s opinion above your own? Why are you killing yourself, mentally and emotionally, to seek love from someone else, when all the love you could ever want, and need, is inside of you? No one can or ever will love you the way that you can love yourself. Of course, there may be others that come close to the level of love that you can give yourself, but do you think this is the guy that can or will?

It is a dangerous precedent to change who you are to get someone to love you. You would lose yourself in the process, thus making you dislike, and some would even say hate, yourself even more. Stop defining your worth by how others see you, especially men. Take a step back from dating and do the inner work to truly love all of yourself. Focus on loving yourself and accepting yourself because once you do, you will be able to realize your worth and recognize that those guys weren’t for you.

Those men, relationships, and experiences were showing you where you were not loving yourself. You were waiting for someone else to love you and it bit you in the butt! So, focus on loving yourself and bettering your health, mentally and emotionally. And stop, please for the love of God, stop putting yourself down and comparing yourself and your looks to how society wants you to be. Love yourself and everything else will come!

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