Anonymous: I am struggling terribly. My sister just got married to her high school sweetheart of almost 12 years. They just got married a couple of months ago and she started having an affair with someone she met at her new job.
Shortly after she started seeing this new man, she revealed to us numerous horrible things her husband has done to her, such as a number of times he’s cheated on her. She wants to leave but has no money of her own to get out, so she continues to stay.
Okay, I know you love your sister but there is nothing you can do. She has to take control of her own life and stop thinking that everything is happening to her. She chose to marry this guy even after the horrible things he has done to her.
And I get it, maybe she found clarity after the marriage took place, but why doesn’t she divorce him, move back in with your parents, maybe even stay with you for a bit, while she gets back on her feet and try and create a new life for herself?
It sounds as if your sister is suffering from low self-esteem. She has stayed with a man who has treated her horrible, has shown no respect for her, and clearly does not love her or care about her feelings since he has cheated multiple times. Your sister settled because she believes this relationship and this man was all she was worthy of.
And instead of taking action to improve her life, she chose to have an affair with someone else. I understand that people believe in an eye for an eye, but I honestly believe that she is just creating more problems for herself. It seems as if she’s self-sabotaging.
There is a reason your sister is living an unhappy life. It seems that she has given up. And there is nothing you can do about it. You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. Your sister has to acknowledge and accept her reality and love herself enough to change it.
Hopefully she will wake up and put steps in motion to create a life that enhances her happiness, but at this point in time you just have to sit back and watch. I know it may be hard, but you cannot live for her and she has to make decisions for herself and forge her own path in life.