I constantly feel that there is nothing positive in my life. It feels as if everyone hates me, as if I’m not good enough, as if I’m a burden or life and people around me are generally just trying to punish me. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.
Okay, first thing, it seems as if you view yourself and your life as a burden to others, and I have to tell you that those thoughts are misconceptions and they just aren’t true! And I’m not quite sure why you believe your life and your being-ness could ever be a burden. You base your happiness on how others perceive you and treat you and you just can’t do that! You can’t go through life putting your worth into others and how they treat you. You have to love yourself and value yourself!
And it sounds as if you don’t have positive, supportive, loving people surrounding you. And it seems as if you are stuck inside your head and are basing your entire life around other people. Who are you? What do you want out of your life? What is good in your life? Something has to be! I don’t know, the fact that you wake up every day and try! The fact that you recognize and know you are unhappy and that you desire help and that you are reaching out for help to better your life and your happiness.
All of these things signify to me that you are an amazing being trying to love yourself, and accept yourself, in a world that wants you to dislike who you are and what you want from life. And you have to disassociate yourself from those individuals that try to punish you. They do not sound as if they accept you, see you for you, love you for you or root for you. In this chapter of your life you may have to walk alone. And I know it may seem scary, but as I say to myself, I would rather walk alone and love myself then be surrounded by people that want me to hate me the way they hate themselves.
So, you do have to make some changes in your life. And as someone who has contemplated suicide on many occasions, don’t do it. From my own experience as well as from speaking with others, individuals who contemplate suicide really love life but at a moment in time they feel as if life isn’t giving them anything they desire or anything they are worthy of. And it gets hard to continually try and to feel as if your hopes, dreams and wishes aren’t coming to fruition. But sometimes, we experience situations that help us grow and evolve internally instead of externally.
Again, don’t give up. I’m proof that things can turn around. And I believe that changing your mindset, and how you respond in the face of adversity, as well as cutting some people out of your life, could enhance your happiness and your outlook on life. Happiness is a state of mind, and positivity is key, but you also have to remember that anger and sadness are a part of life.
We were given the whole spectrum of emotions for a reason, and that was to feel and experience them all. So, don’t beat yourself up whenever you are down but acknowledge how you feel, sit with your feelings and choose to respond instead of react. I wish you luck and just know that there is nothing wrong with getting outside help. Therapy can help you release, heal and learn your self-worth. Again, I wish you the best and you deserve a life of your dreams and I believe you will attain that life.