So, I have been in my relationship with my boyfriend for 5 months now. And, to be honest, I don’t know how I feel about it. He’s a great guy and I do love him. He’s funny, and sweet, and charismatic. But I have some concerns. First and foremost, he and I have differing views on EVERYTHING. And for me, that isn’t an issue but for him it is.
Our most differential viewpoint we have is religion, for instance. I’m not going to say he’s super religious but he’s very spiritual and very affirmative of his own thoughts and views. My views on spirits and religion vary greatly from his. And instead of being open-minded and accepting of differing opinions like I am, he tends to disregard my opinions as dumb and “not knowledgeable thinking.”
This pisses me off because I am a very open-minded person, and while I don’t expect either of us to conform to each other’s own views, I feel as though in a relationship you should at least be tolerable of your significant other’s ideas. But more so than to religion, any time we differ, he regards my opinions/thoughts as wrong and dumb. Furthermore, without getting too personal, he doesn’t satisfy me as much as I want to be satisfied.
By saying less as possible, I think sex is important in a relationship. It’s not a priority but I view sex as a means for two people to connect and stay close, and the “umph” in that department isn’t there. (maybe that’s because we’re off in other areas) I don’t know. Then, he sucks at communication, both physically and orally. Physically, he will go hours without texting or calling me. And no, I’m not one of those “be up my ass 24/7 girlfriends.”
But I appreciate a quick text or call. I don’t know, maybe I’m asking too much. Orally, he never tells me when he has an issue. We can be together, and something will happen or maybe I say something that pisses him off, and his whole mood and aura will change. Instead of just coming out and saying, “what you just said pissed me off,” or “I don’t like that you did…” he’ll just sit there, and sulk and I’ll ask what’s wrong, but he’ll just ignore me or say it’s nothing when I can clearly see it’s something.
He also doesn’t take me out or just do anything with me. Now, granted we’re both broke college kids so I’m not asking for anything extravagant, but I can’t tell you the last time we’ve been on a date. My next issue arises in that I’m beginning to want to look for what I’m lacking in other men/people. I don’t want to cheat or break up with him, to be honest.
I want this to work but idk, it’s just not. I’ve told him my concerns and he’ll listen and agrees to change them. in some areas, I see progress or change and in others, I’m not seeing anything at all. I have had breaking points where I have broken up with him and he always gets me back with his words. I do think he loves me, I’m just not sure if it’s on the same level of love I have for him.
Okay, first off, you said you love him. Now do you love him or are you in love with him? That’s only a question you can answer but think long and hard about it. And relationships are all about compromise, give and take and it seems that your boyfriend desires for you to compromise your beliefs and who you are for him. Why is he with you if he wants to change you? Why are you with him if you want to change him? From what you’ve said I’ve gathered that it’s fine that you all have differences, but you would like for each other to be respectful of each other’s differences, but your boyfriend isn’t, correct?
How can you have a relationship if there is no respect? And I get it, he may respect you but he’s not respecting your views. And I know it hurts you when he regards your opinions as wrong and dumb because it probably feels as if he’s calling you dumb. In all honesty, there seems to be a disconnect in the communication department, but you know that already.
And you wanting to seek outside company is your mind’s way of telling you what you actually want and what path you actually want to take, but for some reason, you’re scared to take the next step. You wish and desire to break up with your boyfriend and end this relationship but for some reason you won’t. Why is that? Your boyfriend seems absent, judgmental, and you guys don’t seem to be on the same wavelength. It honestly seems that you both want two entirely different things from the relationship but also that you desire different partners, if that makes sense.
You may love your boyfriend, but I don’t think you’re in love with the person your boyfriend is. Relationships are all about growing and evolving together but it seems as if you want your boyfriend to change and he wants you to change. It doesn’t seem as if you both wish to grow together, you both believe that the other should change. If you were to stay with your boyfriend you would have to acknowledge that he might not change and that he might stay the same. But maybe he will change. But why are you with him if he’s not giving you what you need or desire? You sound so unfulfilled in this relationship and when I say that I mean that this relationship is not giving you what you desire from a relationship.
And do you wish to be with someone that you believe doesn’t love you as much as you love them? Why are you putting more energy into this guy and this relationship than he is putting into you and the relationship? A relationship is between 2 people, and it doesn’t seem as if your boyfriend realizes that. You have a decision to make, continue with a relationship that leaves you unhappy and unfulfilled or leave and focus on loving all of yourself so next time you enter into a relationship you know what you desire and you won’t settle for less.