So, I recently had a girl look me in my face, as I’m walking and say towards her friend, “shitty hair that is shitty hair.” It took my mind a moment to process that she was talking to me and about me. At first, the pain almost pierced through my armor, but then, processing late as I always do, I started to really think about it. She’s putting time, energy and effort into me, time, energy and effort into which I am not putting into her. But also, who goes out of their way to make someone insecure about their looks and how they choose to be their authentic self?
And it just got me thinking, she was threatened by me! In my oversized university sweatshirt and my yoga pants, she was threatened by me. I, of course, have received snide, jealous remarks from women in the past, which I reacted to instead of responding to, but in this go around I felt compassion for her. I’ve never met or known someone that was truly secure in who they are or how they look, to try and make someone else insecure about their looks and who they are. But also, it saddened me to know that she defines herself, as well as others, by their exterior instead of not defining anyone, and let alone herself, at all.
And I’m not one to toot my own horn but I’m extremely beautiful. And I don’t mean that in a conceited way, but I understand why I get the stares that I do. I rock my natural hair and am confident in my natural hair. I rock the poof as well as the waves and, on many occasions, have received jealous stares or snide remarks. I have high cheek bones, thick lips, and tiny almond shape eyes, and extra cushion for the pushing in all the right areas, all of which I am proud to bare because of the amazing ancestral lineage that I come from. And it saddens me that another woman of color would try to bring me down as a way of elevating herself.
But also, I’m not one to focus on the exterior packaging. I enjoy focusing on the beautiful, amazing spiritual being wrapped in the exterior packaging. But also, it’s crazy to me to define another person of color by their hair. Our ancestors dealt so much with hatred from others and the internalized hatred of themselves that it hurts me to know that a Black woman hates the features of my ancestors, hates the characteristics of Black people that sets us apart from others. Once again, I’m just truly saddened that instead of focusing her time, energy and effort on herself, on working through her self-hate and self-loathing, she chose to inflict her pain and project her pain onto me, the amazingly beautiful spiritual being that has an outer and inner beauty that shines so brightly.
And I hate to admit it, but her comments did hurt me more than I would have liked for them to. But, they have also shown me that I have come a long way from caring what others think of me. There was a little tinge of impact to my armor because I pride myself on treating others with respect and being an amazing being that gives to others. And as I write this, I see that she was trying to take my power and steal my light, instead of asking me how I shine my light and wield my power so powerfully.
But, it truly hurts the most because I was on my way to purchase food to donate to my school’s food pantry to help students and staff that are facing food scarcity, something I have experienced in the past, and I was so full of love and gratitude because I have excess abundance and I was going to share the abundance with others, but she tried to ruin an occasion that was supposed to be full of Divine love and joy. And honestly, I think that is what has me so upset, not the comment about my hair, but that she tried, and almost succeeded, in ruining an occasion that was supposed to be so full of love and light. The fact that I was trying to put good, positive energy, love and light out into the Universe, and she tried to ruin that, to spread negativity instead of love.
It will be an uphill battle to forgiveness, but I think once I meditate and try to see the fearful, scared inner child that lives at the forefront of her being-ness, I will be able to forgive her. So, I am off to meditate, and I hope this will help others to continue being the bright light in the darkness, I know I will be! And we can’t let others ruin our happiness or our beautiful time here one Earth.