I don’t know what to do. I’ve been sexually abused when I was younger, but I’ve remembered it only a few months ago so it’s really difficult to me. Sometimes I just want to die, but most of the times I’m just really sad. I cry for no reason, just because the sky is dark or because my boyfriend is playing a game and I feel lonely. I don’t know what to do to feel better. I’m in college, I live with my boyfriend, and everything is okay, but I can’t just feel happy. Please, help me.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience that! And from personal experience, it does get better, but you just have to hold on. And I know hearing that is hard, but just know that I’m walking with you as you heal from this experience.
The first thing to do is reach out to a trained professional, if you can. They will help you make sense of what you are feeling and thinking, and they will set you on a path to healing. And I want you to know that everything you’re feeling is normal. The crying, the dread, the feeling of loneliness, although this happened to you in the past, it’s all so fresh and new, almost as if you were reliving it again.
And I’m going to say something to you that helped me when my memory and dreams of the sexual abuse came back. Sit with your pain, fear, anger and dread and tell your younger self that it’s okay, that it’s not her fault and that you will protect her from this moment on. Tell her you’re sorry she had to experience that and that the experience in no way makes her less of an amazingly, beautiful being. Tell her you love her, wrap your arms around yourself and just sit there in silence, holding yourself and hugging yourself.
Let your loved one’s know, the ones that you can trust, about what you are going through. Maybe I’m reading the situation wrong, but it doesn’t seem as if you’ve told your boyfriend, have you? I know it’s scary to tell others that you have experienced this level of trauma but you’re just speaking your truth. And your loved one’s won’t look at you any differently and you have nothing to be ashamed of. So, fill your loved ones in, especially your boyfriend, into what’s going on in your world, lean on them for support and reach out to a psychologist, they will help you make sense of your feelings. Once again, I am so sorry you had to experience this, but from someone that has been in your shoes, it does get better and you will be able to heal, with time. I wish you all the unconditional love and acceptance in the world as you embark upon this mountainous journey.