Lately, I’ve been thinking about doing drugs. I’ve only ever tried weed and the only times I smoked it were times I was drained mentally. I haven’t smoked in a while, but the urge to is getting worse. I used to contemplate suicide, and I know that I’m slowly going back to that place, and I don’t want to. I want to get better instead of worse, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to start smoking weed again but I am afraid that I’ll be urged to try something else.
I am so happy that you recognize that you are heading down the wrong path. The first step to recovery is recognizing that you have a problem, and you have, and I am so proud of you for that! And you know what they say, weed is a gateway drug. Personally, I have never dabbled with drugs because I’ve seen what it can do to people but also because I have a little bit of an addictive personality.
You said you smoked when you were out of it mentally. How are you feeling mentally and emotionally right now? Is there something going on in your life that is triggering you? We have to get to the root of your problem for why you wish to turn to drugs in order to check out of life. I have always thought that individuals that use drugs did because they were running from something. Are you running from something? Are you trying to block out pain? Has someone from your past entered your life recently? Are you going through big changes in your life? We have to figure out what the trigger is so we can circumvent it and help you overcome that push to smoke or doing any other type of drug.
And I am so sorry that at one point in time you did not want to live! I’m happy that you came back from that experience, but it is worrying me that you are slipping back into your old habits and old thoughts. Have you spoken with a loved one or a friend? I ask because you need support and a lot of unconditional love to withstand going to drugs but also because you sound depressed. You should definitely reach out to someone, preferable a therapist, that can help you overcome your penchant for drugs.
But having seen and to know so many people that do drugs, there is one thing they tend to all have in common. And that is the lack of love for oneself and the lack of acceptance of oneself. I understand that everyone wants to be loved by others but the best love that one can receive is to love themselves. Doing drugs is the minds way of telling you that you are not being love nor showing love to yourself because if you were, would you be doing something that could potentially harm you? Once again, you have to go back to the drawing board and figure out what is pushing you to dabble in drugs. Only you can find the answer to that question, but just know I am rooting for you and walking with you as you take this next step on your journey.