How do you stop loving someone that has put you through hell?
That is such a great question. It honestly comes back to loving yourself more than you love that person or that relationship. But also, knowing your worth because if you are confident in who you are and love all of yourself, you would not have love for the person that has made your life hell. You would know that what that person is offering is not love, so how can you love someone or a relationship that has no love in it? Someone who manipulates, control or abuses someone else, those actions are not the actions of a person that loves themselves let alone others. Also, why do you consider that relationship a loving relationship if that person put you through hell?
I understand that different people have different definitions of love, but love should not leave you so dejected, fearful or in a situation where you have to stop loving yourself in order to love someone else. I think it would be a good idea to go back to the drawing board and see what love means to you. How do you wish for someone to show their love to you? How do you express love towards others? What actions are the antithesis of love? Although I’m spiritual and nondenominational, I love what 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says about love. It says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boat, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
I honestly feel that because you have suffered so much, I am thinking that you had more than just this traumatic experience or relationship in your life because someone taught you that you deserved a bad partner, relationship and that you were not worthy of more, so you have to relearn how to love and what love is. The love that you are being offered and accepting is not love. You have to love yourself enough to say no to those offers of love that leave you feeling as if you are less than, not important or that the other person’s needs should come first. There are always signs, you just have to know how to read them and to trust your instincts.
You can stop loving someone that has put you through hell by loving yourself. This process may take time, but you can do it and you can accomplish it! I have been on this journey myself, being abused by both my parents and my siblings wanting me to continue being abused, so I know how you feel and where you are coming from. I still care for my family because I know that we are all spiritual beings having a physical experience, but I dislike their actions and I love them in a sense that they are spiritual beings doing the best they know how, but not in a sense as if I want them in my life and for them to walk my journey with me. So again, you can do it, but it will take time. And just know that I am rooting for you and that you can love yourself enough to walk away.