Why are we tempted to go back to toxic relationships? I’ve never been in a healthy relationship until recently. We are still in the dating phase; we aren’t officially monogamous, yet, but things are going great. For some reason, I feel inclined to contact the guy I was involved with prior, and our relationship was toxic, unhealthy and traumatic. So why would I want to go back to what has hurt me in the past when I have the potential to experience something greater?
You’re tempted to go back to your toxic relationships because deep down you don’t believe you are worthy and deserving of a healthy, unconditionally loving relationship. You also believe that the toxicity, abuse and trauma you’ve experienced in your toxic relationships constituted love, but you have to understand that those components are the opposite of unconditionally loving unions. Also, you don’t believe you are worthy of this guy or the relationship so you’re prone to self-sabotaging by reaching out to your old, toxic boyfriend.
I’m happy you’ve stated that you have the potential to experience something greater, but you have to believe that you can experience a healthy relationship and that you are worthy of a greater, more fulfilling relationship. Coming from a toxic relationship, you have to change how you view relationships, yourself and love. You have to know your worth, know where your boundaries began and end and know what you desire from a significant other and from a healthy relationship.
And I’m so happy you’ve reached out because it means that you are now on the path to reprogramming how you view yourself, relationships and love. And I’m very happy that you’ve connected with a guy who treats you well! But it may be harder for you to go within and focus on building more self-love and reprogramming your mind because half of your attention would be on this new guy and the new relationship. And in order to reprogram your brain, you have to dedicate all of yourself to that endeavor.
It can be done, but as I’ve said, it will most likely take longer because all of your attention isn’t focused on yourself, on building up your self-esteem and going within to figure out how you view yourself, relationships, love, and others. It can be done, but can one really give all of themselves to someone else if they still haven’t given all of themselves to themselves? But once again, I’m happy you’re making better choices when it comes to relationships and I’m so excited that you are now beginning to see your worth and that you are embarking upon a new phase in your life. From one person who suffered from toxic relationships to another, it feels so great to recognize that the way a person treated us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Good luck on your journey!