I have a feeling that I was sexually and physically abused when I was younger. And every time I think about it I get so sick, and I’ve never connected so strongly to any other type of trauma before! The thing is, I have no recollection of the abuse ever happening, but I feel that I was abused. Do you think I have a few repressed memories or am I just being dumb?
In my opinion, you’re not being dumb at all! Experiencing repressed memories is a real thing, and I know this from personal experience. When people experience trauma that is too much to handle, our brains will choose to block out that experience as a form of protecting us or shielding us from that insanely traumatic event. And I believe that we experience repressed memories coming back because deep down we believe we are capable of handling and dealing with the traumatic event, something we were not ready to do in the past.
Have you considered delving into these repressed memories? I know when my memories began to come back, every time I had a dream or thought of the abuse, I would write it out in a journal, and after a while, I would connect the dots of what happened. Sometimes I would see images, sometimes I would live out the abuse in my dream, where I physically felt I was there and the abuse was happening in the present, and sometimes I would feel certain emotions such as paralyzing fear and worry, not only for myself but for others that had experienced the abuse also. Also, journaling helped me make sense of all I was feeling as I was experiencing those old memories.
Have you considered counseling? If you’re able to, I would really look into it. A trained professional can help you get to the bottom of why you’re experiencing what you’re experiencing and can help you make sense of everything. And I know I mention counseling all of the time, but counseling has helped me a lot in my own life, especially being able to see and experience that other people were experiencing similar situations and traumatic event that I had already experienced. Also, you may need someone there, who you trust, once your memories come back to help you deal with the abuse and trauma that you’ve suffered from. And if you feel that your subconscious is telling you something or showing you something, trust your instincts and look deeper because nine times out of ten you’re probably right, you probably have experienced the abuse and trauma.