For the last year in a half, I’ve made a huge sacrifice. I took a leave from work and my life to help my family look after my grandmother. My grandmother couldn’t live by herself because of her dementia and her brittle bones, so my mom chose to move her to our house, instead of a nursing home. But her work wouldn’t allow her too much time off, so my mom asked me to help instead of my unemployed brother. I always hate being the responsible one in the family while my dad and brother have their selfish behavior enabled.
Anyway, after a year in a half of full-time care, I told my family that my boyfriend and I were planning to move in together. They began to guilt me into staying saying it’s not fair to place the burden of caring for my grandmother on my brother, even though that burden was placed on me for over a year. Long story short, I moved in with my boyfriend, but they continue to guilt me into coming home and taking care of my grandmother.
I love my grandmother and my family, but I can’t and won’t be kept a prisoner, and I have to move forward with my life. Especially since I put my life on pause for over a year. I truly feel stressed and stretched thin, and my boyfriend feels stressed and helpless too, not to mention we miss each other when I’m taking care of my grandmother. I don’t know what to do about feeling so guilty for abandoning my grandmother and my family.
You have to say enough is enough and put your foot down! I can tell you have so much resentment already towards your mom, dad and, brother and I fear it may get worse if you continue to carry others’ responsibilities. It’s not your job to put your life on hold while everyone around you continues to live their best life.
And remember, it has nothing to do with you if someone tries to guilt you into something. Usually, when an individual will try to guilt someone into acting a certain way, that individual has ulterior motives, motives that aren’t pure of heart. Your family is guilting you into taking care of your grandma because they’re too lazy and to selfish too do it. Your family sees you like Cinderella, in the sense that you’ll always be there and always be there to take anything they throw your way, but we all know how Cinderella ended. With you moving in with your boyfriend, being happy, living your best life, and knowing that your time is valuable.
And truly, if someone truly cared for you, your happiness and well-being, would they use you and put their needs above their own? Would you accept the type of behavior you receive from your family from anyone else? And why should you have to sacrifice everything for everyone else but no one ever sacrifices anything for you?
And if your family chooses to not support your or your decisions, limit the amount of contact you have with them. It sucks when the people that are supposed to be happy for us, choose to rain on our parade while desiring for us to put their needs above our own. And from the outside looking in, you have done nothing wrong and are doing nothing wrong by putting you, your life and your relationship first. It just means that you have self-love and self-respect for yourself. From one stranger to another, I am so happy that you are taking the next step in your relationship, and I wish you and your boyfriend all the love and happiness in the world.