How do I keep away from the person who hurts me physically and emotionally? I’m the person always at fault and I’m the one who needs to get sober and I’m always the one who says sorry and can’t get an apology in return. I love him, but I deserve better.
Why are you putting him, his needs and his wants above your own? Why is it okay for him to emotionally and physically abuse you? Why do you think you deserve this relationship? Why do you love him and this toxic relationship more than you love yourself?
I’m happy you know you deserve better, but that information means nothing if you don’t have the action to back it up. You know you need to leave and cut off all communication with him, but you still have hope that he’ll change and truly love you for you and see you for you. He doesn’t truly love you if he hits you and belittles you, but you know that. Your heart might be telling you to stay, but your head is telling you to go, and your head is right on this one.
Leave and don’t look back. Cut off all communications with him, change your phone number and don’t tell him where you’re going. And once you’re out, you may have feelings of regret, but that’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It just means that you have to reprogram your brain from believing that he loves you and that his kind of love is the type of love you deserve. The only way to leave is to love yourself more than you love him and the relationship. That is the only way to have the strength to leave, knowing your worth and actually doing something about the abuse.