My dad and aunt raised me (mostly my aunt because my dad wasn’t around a lot). My aunt was always super strict, and I always followed what she said blindly, but after I turned 12, I started to lose faith in whether or not she was there for me and wanted the best for me. Now that I look back, I feel so much self-contempt for having been controlled, while other boys grew to become young men. Is what I’m feeling normal? And I think she’s manipulative, as, in the past, I’ve tried to withhold information from her, but I always ended up spilling the beans, much to her delight and my disgust.
What is ‘normal’? Your feelings are there for a reason, usually to tell us when others have overstepped our boundaries, so I wholeheartedly believe and know that your feelings are valid. You feel the way you do for a reason, and it’s most likely because you have been sheltered, controlled and manipulated and you’re starting to see the light.
It sucks when those closest to us are the ones that mistreat us instead of protecting us. It’s okay to be angry at the fact that you missed out on a really big stage of your life! And what do you mean by ‘other boys grew to become young men’? Do you mean they were taught how to be men, how to carry themselves, how to respond in situations? It seems your angry by the fact that you lacked a positive male role model that could have helped you navigate your formative years and would have helped shaped you into an exceptional male and human being. And it’s okay to feel that way because you did miss out on that relationship and what you could have learned, but I know that you’re an exceptional young man and a phenomenal human being!
At this point in time, where do you wish to go from here? I know you mentioned your aunt is manipulative, but how do you wish to proceed in your interactions with her? You could learn to respond to your aunt by not responding. Whenever she asks you about something, respond with one syllable answers, such as ‘yes, no, okay, fine’, and remember she may be trying to goad you into reacting, so rise above her and her actions and choose to respond instead.