My dad was very abusive, sexually and physically…

I have a history of abuse in my family. My dad was very abusive, sexually, and physically and he kidnapped me. When I finally got back to my mom, things that once seemed normal for me began to seem abusive. Things are a little better now, but I can’t get it out of my head that she’s emotionally abusive towards me. I want to leave or get emancipated, but I don’t want to hurt my mom. She’s so mean, but I don’t want to hurt her, because she is my mom and I do love her. Please help me!

Always do what you feel and think is best for you. It seems that your mom takes care of herself, and you take care of your mom, but who takes care of you? Growing up with abusive parents, usually, one parent tends to be less abusive than the other parent, and children will tend to gravitate to the less abusive parent and see them as their “savior”. I know from personal experience how it is to have 2 abusive parents and to “settle” for the less abusive parent because you’re comparing the level of abuses to each other.

But you have to realize that all abuse is wrong, and it seems that you have, to an extent. You have to live for you and take care of yourself. It honestly doesn’t seem like your mom is good for your mental or emotional health. You becoming emancipated and leaving is just you prioritizing your needs, giving yourself unconditional love and focusing on self-care.

It doesn’t matter what your mom thinks or if you hurt her. Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you. Now, I’ll tell you a secret that will make it easier for you to go through with your emancipation. Tell your mom your plans and look at her reaction. If she doesn’t ask why you wish to emancipate yourself, it shows that she doesn’t care about the why of it all, i.e. your feelings and what she’s done to make you feel the way you feel. It will show that she just wants you around to control and abuse you. If she guilts you by mentioning all that she’s done for you, then you know it’s time to leave. Instead of rectifying the problem, she would guilt you into thinking and acting the way that she wants you to, i.e. controlling you, which abusive parents do. Just remember, do what will make you happiest and forget everyone else.