I feel so uncomfortable around my dad…

Advice

I feel so uncomfortable around my dad. I love him and I’d be devastated if something were to happen to him but he has done things in the past that make me so disgusted and sick to my stomach. I remember many occasions when I was younger and in middle school. I never had a phone to play on so I would ask my dad if I could play games on his phone. When he would give me his phone and go do something else, like work or go to the store, I’d turn the phone on and swipe to get off the lock screen and it would open up to an inappropriate picture of his private part.

This happened at least two or three times. It grosses me out that it was probably intentional. Another instance I barely remember, also in middle school was once he was brushing my hair or something and he started talking about it. I think somehow either I brought up the pictures and how it was gross or he did, or something other than that and he said something like “It’s okay. You’re a girl and you should like those things” or “shouldn’t mind those things” Something just uncomfortable and disgusting.

At a restaurant once, just him and I, he said something like “it looks like you’re my wife” I texted him later that day telling him that what he says makes me uncomfortable. I later got yelled at by my parents. I have never told my mom the instances that happened in middle school because I was too scared and the timing was never right. I really want to tell all these things to my mother, but I don’t know what she will be able to even do. If she talked about it with my dad, he would only get mad and yell at me. I don’t know what to do, and I feel like I’m overreacting.

Never be ashamed to tell someone how you feel! You obviously feel this way for a reason, and honestly, you have a good reason to. The way your dad is acting towards you is not of a loving father who respects the boundaries of his daughter. You feel uncomfortable for a reason, and that is because your instincts are kicking in. Your instincts are trying to tell you that your dad is behaving like a predator, and you and your instincts are trying to protect yourself, while also making sense of the fact that this behavior is coming from your father, the man that is supposed to love you and protect you.

And from what you’ve told me about your mom, I would not tell her. She might react the way she did before, and take your dad’s side. Do you have any adult in your life that you trust? Is there any adult at school that you trust and who you believe could help you with this? If so, tell them ASAP. I’m worried about your safety and your mental, emotional and physical well-being. Living in a house with a predator/abuser messes with your head. Is there any mature adult in your life that you trust and that wouldn’t mind you living with them? If so, contact them and see if you can change your living situation. You wouldn’t have to tell your parents the truth about why you wish to move in with your family member, but it would be a great idea to get you out of that environment.

And have you thought about documenting what your dad says and does to you? Try to record your dad saying those inappropriate comments and start journaling. Write the date on every journal and just discuss what your dad did to make you uncomfortable. In case something arises, you have proof that his lewd behavior has been ongoing and that he has been persistent.

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