My boyfriend just hit me, and I know it’s all my fault! I can’t get the image of his face and his anger out of my head. He was so mad and so full of rage. but I love him so much, it’s killing me. I know it’s all my fault.
I am so sorry that you had to experience this, but no, your boyfriend hitting you is not your fault. I love you so much and I don’t even know you! Never believe that someone hurting you physically is your fault.
You are a beautiful precious flower that deserves to be treated like one. You think it’s your fault because he has manipulated you into thinking that you are the problem. No, you are the symptom to the problem. The problem is your boyfriend and the fact that he is physically abusive. I can also assume that he is verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive, I know that from personal experience. Your boyfriend has been conditioning you for a while to think and believe that you are the problem, which YOU ARE NOT! He has been manipulating you into thinking you are nothing and nothing without him. He has been trying to make you feel worthless and unlovable. Two things which I guarantee you are not.
Although we’re strangers, I AM ROOTING FOR YOU! I want you to be safe, happy, and mentally, physically and emotionally healthy. Have you tried telling any of your loved ones about the fact that he hits you? I guarantee you that you have loved ones out there that care for you and that can help you. He has been conditioning you to believe that he loves you and that he treats you better than anyone else, right? My mother and father were and still are the same way as your boyfriend. They would physically and verbally abuse me and accuse me of provoking them too. Hun, no one can provoke anyone to hurt another person physically, they have to want to do that.
Again, I am rooting for you so much. I want you to feel healthy, happy and safe. I want you to not have to tiptoe around your boyfriend and to not have to try to be on your “best behavior”. I want you to love your life and to love and enjoy yourself. Your reaching out shows that you know your boyfriend has a problem. It shows that you love yourself and that you do wish to live. Ultimately, the next steps to take are yours. I really encourage you to reach out to your loved ones, the people in your life that don’t physically abuse you and let them know what you are going through. If you want to leave, they can help you come up with a game plan. From personal experience, I felt free and peaceful once I left my abusers. And I began to see that the only person that could love me the way I wished to be loved was me. And that I am the only person that can fill my love tank and decide my self-worth.