I’ve been having issues with drug abuse and depression lately. I’m not close enough to anybody to talk to them about it and it’s like every time I do they’re more concerned with the “drugs are bad!!!!!” BS than my actual mental state. I know it’s bad but I’ve been thinking about killing myself. I don’t want to call a hotline and all I’ve been hearing from anyone for about two years now is “it gets better” but it just hasn’t. I’ve been waiting on a therapist for months. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I definitely understand where you’re coming from. Instead of focusing on the problem, most people tend to focus on the symptom whenever you tell them what you’re going through. So instead of focusing on your drug abuse, let’s focus on your mental health.
And I am so sorry that you have no one you can speak with about how you feel. And instead of showing you compassion, people choose to judge you for how you react to what you are experiencing. Again, I am so sorry you are going through all of this alone. You say you have been feeling suicidal and hating life for the past 2 years, why? From my experience, people who usually contemplate suicide really love life, but at that point in time, they may experience obstacles and hindrances when it comes to creating the life that they would like to experience.
You say you’ve been waiting on a therapist for months, why haven’t you gone to see one? If it’s pertaining to money, I can definitely understand that reasoning and counseling sessions can be expensive. But if you’re in school, most universities offer free counseling to students. If you are in school, have you tried going that route? And I understand that you do not wish to contact the suicide hotline, but there are professionals that could help you with what you are going through.
Coming from someone that has been suicidal, it does get better. But, my life began to get better once I started to see all of the good in my life. Whenever I was feeling suicidal, I was focusing on the negative and what I hated about my life. Whatever we focus on, that is what we create in our lives. So, focusing on the negative created more negativity in my life. But once I began to focus on the positive and the good, miracles began to happen. Just hold on and continue forward. And try to reach out to a licensed professional that has experience with this sort of thing. Just don’t give up hope because it will get better.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255