I’m so lost. I was dating this person for a few months earlier this year and although we never made it to being exclusive, they were a huge part of my everyday life and the first person in years I was almost in love with. They knew I really liked them and they liked me but they weren’t ready for a relationship yet which really hurt.
We went through a lot of hard times together and ended up drifting apart, although still keeping in contact every now and then. Flash forward a couple of months to now and a couple weeks ago they confessed that they really like me and want to see where things go between us this time, etc. I was confused but I still went and saw them last weekend and during the week.
I’m just really scared because I feel like I have to make most of the effort all the time to keep this going between us, when they said they liked me was one of the only times they made a big effort and then it feels like I have to try and make plans I’m scared because I felt so strongly for this person and finally was moving on and now that they’re back, so are my strong feelings.
I’ve tried dating so many other people, but my feelings are never the same as what I feel for this person. I’m scared that I’m going to be hurt all over again and that it’s just going to fizzle out again or it’s going to lead nowhere. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this, but I really do want it to work out & don’t know what to do if it doesn’t again.
To me, it seems that you’re in love with the idea of love. When I say that, I mean you’re in love with someone wanting you. You’re in love with someone being there for you. And of course, we all want to be seen, heard and accepted for who we are. But, it seems that you define your worth by the love of others. You’re defining your worth by the validation of others. It also seems like you love the chase. I understand that you’re very attracted to the guy, but it seems like you’re putting more into him than you are yourself. And, it takes two to make a relationship. It seems that it’s just you and your love of love/the chase that is in this relationship.
Instead of waiting for this guy to come around and see that you are worthy, why not focus on loving yourself. Instead of giving your time, love, and attention to someone else, why not give it to yourself? Here’s this guy that says he wants to be with you, but you’re the one putting in all of the effort. Have you ever heard of the saying, “It’s better to show than tell”? This means that his actions aren’t lining up with his words. He says he wants to try again, but his actions show that he thinks of you as an afterthought.
You say that you’re scared. Scared of what? You will make yourself go insane with the amount of worrying you’re doing. Try sitting this one out and focus on your emotional health, mental health, and your self-love. Remember, you are the prize! You’re the funfetti cupcake with the sprinkles and the icing on the inside. Men/guys are the icing on the top. They may enhance the taste/your happiness, but they don’t detract from the taste/your awesomeness. You don’t need anyone to make you happy. You make yourself happy. Don’t waste your time on someone who can’t or won’t give you what you desire. There’s a reason it didn’t work out before. Always choose to love yourself and to show kindness to yourself first. Others come second. And it’s okay to be selfish.