I’m currently struggling with something that happened to me in the past…

I’m currently struggling with something that happened to me in the past, and I really need my mom! But I definitely can’t speak to her or tell her about the sexual abuse because she’s struggling with her own mental health. I just don’t wish to tip her over the edge, but it’s going to tip me over pretty soon.

If I told her about my dad I KNOW she would contact him and contact the police (That’s how she is. She would never take my opinion or feelings into account and would just do it). Long story short, I got in contact with my dad a while ago (a few years) and went to stay with him and his parents, and she will ask me why I did that if he abused me.

I had no recollection of my repressed memories until last year. I always knew something was “off” and had awful body memories my entire life, but the flashbacks didn’t start until June/July of last year. Honestly, I don’t even know if she would believe in my ‘repressed memories.’ And I have no one else to talk to. I don’t know what I should do. I need her, but I’m so scared to talk to her.

It seems that you’re in a really sticky situation, and I am so sorry that you had to experience the trauma of sexual abuse. My heart goes out to you and what you’ve been through, but also what you are currently experiencing. As I’m writing this to you, I am shaking my head, because you are in a similar situation that I was in. Long story short, I began receiving flashbacks of being sexually abused, and it turns out, that I was actually living with my abuser. And I couldn’t tell my parents or family members, because they would have accused me of lying. So, I know and understand exactly how you feel.

The first thing I wish to tell you is that YOU ARE PERFECT JUST AS YOU ARE. I know sometimes things may occur in our lives that may cause us to questions our worthiness, and I just want you to know that what happened to you was not your fault and that you are worthy. Now, onto what you should do regarding your mom.  From what you’ve said, I don’t think it’s a great idea to tell your mom. It seems she would make it all about her. Right now, you need someone that will listen to you and ask you what you want and how you wish to proceed forward. By the way, what is it that you want? Do you want vengeance? To make sense of all your feelings and what you’re thinking? To forgive? Asking yourself that question will help you figure out your next move.

I think it’s a really great idea to speak with someone in the mental health field. They can walk with you as you overcome the trauma you have experienced and are currently experiencing. If you’re at university or even in high school, reach out to your school’s psychologist and schedule a meeting. Who knows, they might be able to help you find support groups that can help you heal. If you decide to not tell your mom it will be hard for you mentally, because it’s really important for you to have someone to lean on at this time. But also, when it comes to experiencing sexual assault, the thing you really want is comfort and to feel safe, and it seems like your mom can’t establish that for you, because she can’t even establish it for herself.

She is leaning on your for support, when you should be leaning on her. Your best bet would be getting in contact with a counselor and deciding how you feel and how you wish to move forward. You can, of course, contact the police and file a report, but you have to be the one to make the decision. But also, you might try looking into the statute of limitations for your state when it comes to child abuse. Some states have different laws. I know in my state, if you’re a victim of childhood sexual abuse, you could file a personal injury lawsuit up to six years after turning 21. But if you do wish to go the police route, just make sure it’s something you truly wish to do. I do think it’s a great idea to contact the police, just to have this information on file because you never know what may happen in the future, but again, it’s your choice.

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