I’m a male and I was sexually abused by someone I trusted as a child, repeatedly. I trusted him and at the time, I had no idea what he was doing to me was wrong. Growing up, I’ve tried to ignore what happened to me and push it from my mind, but everything haunted me, and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. Long story short, I turned to substance abuse and self-harm. I quit my substance addiction two months ago. In the process of everything, I hurt my family, my friends and myself. And now I just want to kill myself.
I am so sorry that you’ve had to experience such a traumatic event, but I am happy that you are here today. You are standing in your truth, and you are taking the steps to heal by reaching out for help, and I commend you, sincerely, for being you and for trying every day. Even if you don’t believe you are trying, I know that you are, and I am thankful that you are allowing me to walk with you on your path to self-acceptance and self-love.
As someone who was also sexually abused by someone I trusted, who also happened to be a family member, I know exactly how you feel! And I was once in your shoes where I ignored the truth and tried to shove it away and out of my mind, but a time came where I had to face it, and I have. Again, I am so happy that you reached out, and I am more than happy to help you overcome all that you are experiencing.
And I understand why you turned to substance abuse and why you self-harmed, you were looking to numb your pain and your mind so you wouldn’t have to face the truth. But now you are, and for that, I am so proud of you. And if someone hasn’t told you today, I AM ROOTING FOR YOU AND I BELIEVE IN YOU! And congratulations on quitting your substance abuse, it takes so much dexterity and mental acumen to do that, and I am so proud of you for it!
It’s okay to be and feel depressed, but I am worried about you because you’re considering harming yourself. But I know you wish to live, because if you didn’t wish to live you would have continued your substance abuse. Right now, the world seems dark because you are in a rebuilding phase of your life, and that’s okay! Although it may seem that you’re alone right now, you’re not. There are tons of us having to rebuild our lives after traumatic events and we are all walking with you and cheering you on as you rebuild your life. Don’t give up, your life is precious, your life matters and YOU MATTER! Now promise me, if you get the urge to harm yourself, you will call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
And when it comes to your loved ones, give them time. As you’ve said, you have probably hurt them in the past and it may take time for them to forgive you. But I guarantee you, that if you continue being sober, focus on your emotional, mental and physical health and start to believe in yourself, your life will begin to turn around and your loved ones will see your commitment to your new way of life. They will start to accept you back into the fold and support you on this journey we call life. Have you thought about going to group therapy for substance abuse? You could get a sponsor and have interactions with others that are experiencing what you’re experiencing, and they could also walk with you on your journey and you with theirs. Just don’t give up! Your life has a purpose, and you have a meaning.